Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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