Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
And then he peed in my hair
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