I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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