So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We need to rekindle our bromance
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
