bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
