So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
