his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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