i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
