Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
