you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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