How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
either way he was missing a nipple.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
