is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
