Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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