cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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