someone threw a dead crab at me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
