she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
