so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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