im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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