I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
