imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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