I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
