I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
