worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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