Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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