Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
