ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
