Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dicks are not precious.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
