SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
