Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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