hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
