The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
