well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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