You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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