Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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