this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
