she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
