I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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