I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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