Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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