There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
