So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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