Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
