all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
