worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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