why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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