This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
