At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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