are you still at the devil's house?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
