their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
