did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
