I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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