He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
