Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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