have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
don't judge my taste in strippers
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
