I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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