yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
