just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
