i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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