I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
