dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
