Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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