remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
