I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
